The subtle Art of Selflove – How to be Human

Photo Artist unknown via pinterest

Life is a continual process of self-improvement; however, this concept means different things to different people. It is an inner journey of self-healing.

The concept of selflove, our quest for identity and self-knowledge is an ageless topic. Trying to find out who we are – know thyself – and there is a great deal of confusion what it really means. Self-love is an incredible thing; maybe it is one of the rarest things that we have on the planet. Like a rare gemstone difficult to source, and once found wrapped in velvet cloths carefully hidden in a treasure chest.

Love expresses itself in rainbow colours. Can you see & accept it? It comes in different layers through selfcare, self-worth, self-responsibility, self-awareness, self-empowerment, self-expression, and many more - all in one - how to lead ourselves.

There are zillions of books on the self-help shelve and it is a billion-dollar business. But is self-love utterly understood in our society? I’m not talking about vanity. It's not about the self-love where we pat ourselves on the back because we have accomplished something, and we think we’re terrific. It has nothing to do with that, with puffery or egotism.

By observation, we see there is this notable sticky shiver of extremes in this world, either riding the wave of too much selflove or too much self-hate. It seems always black or white. I wonder, where does this confusion come from? Well, it’s simple. No one taught us. No school, no teacher, no kindergarten. And neither by the majorities of our families and parents. Our classrooms in school are full of knowledge but lack wisdom. They are empty of emotional intelligence.

Religions tell us love the other more than yourself. New age esoteric teaching says love yourself first than others. Now what? Confusing, huh?  

In our modern world self-obsession is spread like an epidemic, people are obsessed with how they feel, how they look, what they wear, where they live. The tragedy, if we only look at ourselves, we cannot see anything or anyone around us. It is an endless labyrinth, becomes a restless addiction which keeps us from being our true self - the more we look for it the more it drifts away from us, becomes volatile. A life full of dramas.

On the other hand, when we deny ourselves all together, we focus on everything and everyone but self, we live for the others. Basically, we compromise ourselves for the collective and walk as remote-controlled zombies through life. The shocking news, most of our population lives like that without much self-worth so they hand their authority over to someone else. They people please, avoid conflict, hide their feelings & truth, try to fit in to be liked and accepted. This behaviour is rooted in the fear of experiencing true uniqueness, because they are afraid of being different, of being rejected, of finger pointed and outcast so they follow the crowd and their own uniqueness gets over written.  It is an endless search for love outside oneself.

The path of self-discovery and authenticity is not a straight line. It is like an artichoke –we like to eat the beautiful delicious heart, but realize it requires time, patience, dedication & contemplation to take of the outer layers. Maybe, that’s the issue. Although we get excited, it is not an imminent success story. Otherwise we all would perfectly know how to do. And people nowadays don’t want to put energy and time on things. It is sad, they rather distract themselves with superficial things or work.  

We want to be loved but at the same time it is love itself we fear.

What is this selflove thing then? How does it work?

There are many fancy techniques out there in the new age spiritual business but most of them only rip you of your money.

We are here to learn to be ourselves. It is not a bed of roses. It is our own wounds which make us human. Be gentle with yourself.

It will challenge us in any possible way. It will test our own principles, beliefs, or convictions. Why? Because there is a lot of dead wood in the forest of our inner life. We are running from shame and guilt of opening our heart fully to our self.

Above all, it is not a destination. It’s the journey leading to it.

A journey of radical caring, seeing the beauty in mistakes and imperfections.

It means to be not afraid to show our authentic self, make decisions lovingly from the heart.

When no one listening to what we have to say, we still listen to ourselves.

When we feel alone, and no one is there for us we hold space for ourselves.

When no one gives us the love and attention, we give it to ourselves.

When social media shows we need to look alike, we have the courage to be different.

When no one likes our posts, we do not feel rejected, but good enough.

A journey to accept people and things for what they are.

It means to increase our E.Q., to create a better relationship with our self and others.

That’s when we find security. The security blanket that we can hold onto when life gets tough. That’s the moment we can feel that love, self-love. Such a beautiful thing. To love yourself is to open up love for everyone and everything that is part of our life. No longer rooted in dependencies or not good enough.

We cannot give another self-worth, only can do that for ourselves. Where do you wait for someone to come along to complete you? No one can tell you how gracious you are, no ideal princess, no knight in shining armour you wish comes along.

We try to fix things but is it really broken?

Our brains are programmed through language by our inner vocabulary that is built up as we learn language as children. Our cultural conditioning, our parents, peers and schools all contribute to this inner alphabet that dictates the way in which we think. The way in which we think governs the way we make decisions, act, react, interact, breathe, digest and just about every other aspect of your life that you can think of.

If you want to find selflove, you have to first ACCEPT the negative patterns within yourself, and you have to want to change them. Cultivate a relationship with parts of you that feel insecure, anxious, doubtful. Trust yourself and see yourself become more independent.

You will experience operating at a different frequency within your genetics, on a cellular level as your inner vocabulary changes and your attitude becomes more positive. But your intent to want to change is the most important thing of all. It is the fuel that starts the engine for this journey & is needed in order for you to go through this incredible transformation.

Long story short: If we validate ourselves, the world validates us. And uncertainty becomes clarity.