The Art of procrastination: A letter from a recovering perfectionist
Confession Wednesday – I can be a master procrastinator.
In other words: A part of me is like a turtle; I like to take my time. And then I freak out & panic when a deadline or important meeting is right around the corner with almost no time left to complete or prepare for. Especially perfectionated, I mastered this Art when there is no deadline to begin with.
Perfectionism. THE keyword. Since a while now (about 6 month) I’m planning to write about procrastination, and guess what? I catch myself procrastinating to complete the article about procrastination. Isn’t it funny? … one would say that’s a self-sabotaging mechanism.
I want to put attention to this topic because it is a struggle many of my clients & friends face too. Fascinating, it is oddly the most intelligent, caring, creative and aware people I know. No matter what age, level of society or profession they are in.
Everyone procrastinates in its own way. My style of procrastination? I postpone what matters most. I have many ideas what I want to create, but a part of me is terrified: How do I manifest something much bigger than myself? I am terrified of a blank page in front of me and overwhelmed by the mere thought on how to get all the things grounded. Which leads to an inability to start working on my dreams. I can’t sit still. I feel resistance. I might tidy up. Do research. Lots of research. I study. Watch videos on YouTube about astrological star signs & forecasts and seldom diseases. (I’m surely soon turn to an expert in those topics) Or I am helping others being successful and get their projects to fly. Interesting…
I ask myself, why do I seem to procrastinate, and others don’t? What is going on in my mind? How do I feel? Well, the answer is: Self-doubt. Not good enough. I care so much that I am afraid to be judged. What will others think of me? Will I be successful? What if I never achieve my vision? That vision so big. What if I dissapoint? I want it to be perfect, for everyone involved. What if I fail? I feel responsible.
All those stories and beliefs in my mind. A conflict inside of me. Someone someday gave me the impression I am not enough, and I am too much. Too different. Too weird. Too deep. Too intuitive. Too sensitive. Too curious. Too intelligent. Too shy. I got rejected by being myself. Outcast. Alone. Unworthy. I thought no one understands me. So, in my adulthood the broken record in my mind sings: why risking this again? It is painful. No one wants to listen anyway. I don’t want to feel this again! So, I started to tip toe, hold back my opinions. Been quiet when I should have stand up for myself or others. I want to express myself, but in love, so how do I phrase taboo topics without creating conflict?
Over the years, I realized it is not only me. We live in a culture of not being enough: not successful enough, not good enough, not loving enough, not visible enough, not relevant enough. People want to be noticed, they want to belong and share feelings and experiences with others, see social media and the desperate urge for recognition from outside. We believe that we live an ordinary life when we are not travel all the time, live-in breath-taking villas and able to change the world. We wake up thinking we haven't had enough sleep, go to bed thinking I haven't done enough (work, emails, tasks, meeting people, sports, ...)
The reason why we feel lost, overwhelmed, or dislocated because we make life so complicated. A lack of clarity and emotional intelligence.
Unfortunately, it is not a subject at school, so hardly anyone knows how to deal with it and, above all, how it is communicated. We make wrong decisions out of fear or no decision at all, which is a decision. Most often against our intuition. And we don't show ourselves vulnerable - both privately and in a business context. How can we be vulnerable to others when we are not vulnerable in front of our own mirror?
I believe we are spending too much time trying to figure out the single pieces of how everything should unfold instead of doing what our heart pulls us to do. And yes, his takes courage.
How to get out of procrastination? Some of the most helpful tips for me are:
Accept it. Don’t shame myself or feel guilty. Allow it to be there.
Break any big task into ridiculous small ones. It might even be “just open your word doc and write the headline”. The rest usually follows.
Set focus: Do only 1 or 2 major things per day. Try to complete it.
Don’t force my creativity. Inspiration doesn’t work that way. Clarity comes through stillness. And pauses. Let it form itself.
Take responsibility. Reprogram corrupted thoughts, the unease and projections into self-empowering, self-serving thoughts.
Don’t compare myself to others. I have my own rhythm. Individual to me. Trust it.
I ask: Where is it I feel the greatest joy and freedom? Ok. Let’s do more of that! Do I really need to prepare until it is perfect or is a 7/10 good enough? And I adapt as I go along. In consideration of the impact & consequences.
I also realized; we are all procrastinators. Maybe not all messy, but we all procrastinate on something in life. A decision to change, to start a new business, having a tough conversation with someone, moving out to a new place we dream of, writing an article, create that art piece, make that important call, initiate that one email.
Let’s break the old records scratching on the phonograph repeating the same sequence. The same old stories and habits. The ones which hurt in our ears. Let’s leave the old records behind and create new beautiful ones.
Today I take great joy in shattering the grey world of mediocrity that is considered the norm. For me there is nothing more frightening than the level of sameness that’s out there that starts at the earliest education, the way we’re programmed in our cultures, all the expectations about the way we are supposed to be.
Oh, it feels so liberating to be on my own path and at ease to just allowing myself to be. As different and unique as I am. Sometimes, as a master procrastinator and other times as the deep hearted self-expressing queen. That brings me peace of thought. A peaceful mind.
Extra tip: for all you procrastinators out there, if you are trying to understand yourself better or anyone knows a procrastinator, watch the TEDx talk from Tim Urban “Inside the mind of a master procrastinator” – its worth it. Giggles guaranteed. After that, you won’t be so hard on yourself anymore.