I’m the one I’ve been waiting for

Art by Olivia Steele @Burningman2018

𐏎☉ Sometimes I feel like a motherless child, a long long way from home, where no one does squeeze me.

Isn’t it fascinating & disturbing at the same time how we search, grab, strive, drive, look, dig, wait, hunt, walk, chase, follow all lifelong to find that perfect place, our tribe, the love of our lifetime, the satisfying job, our life purpose, our identity, our true self - we think it must be somewhere out there, somewhere in the wildest raw desert, behind a leafy green palm tree, on the bottom of the cold dark blue ocean, in the vast endless space of the universe or even within another person we feel a strong connection with.

We are restless in our pursuit. Until we believe we cached the arousing feeling. We want to hold on to it, tightly. Never let it go, because we think we found it out there, just to realize sooner or later, that this can’t be all & that its just another puzzle piece of the whole picture.

And there we go – hunting, searching looking – we turn every stone – for the next thing to do, to achieve, to gain, to heal, to meet.

I used to be like that, because I got conditioned to be like everyone else, from the moment I left my mother’s womb. It took about 1/3 of my expected lifetime here on earth to integrate the understanding that the whole basis of life is rooted in experiences. This is history. It is perhaps the most profound thing about us, in a way, is that experience is never lost.

We can see that to the extreme now with tens of millions of people blogging & posting, every day. Every kind of experience is recorded & available for others to share. It is what makes us incredible & its all about the throat. Its about our capacity to be able to communicate to each other, of being open to the other, being ready to share with the other.

The thing to recognize about the collective is that it guarantees our collective intelligence, our collective consciousness, our collective awareness, because experience & possibility are things that are constantly being shared.

So we have a very, very, old tradition of the oral transmission of knowledge, the tribal storyteller who keeps generation after generation of story available so that the new generation could benefit from it.

This remembrance which can at a mystical level be revelation, it is the ability to really be able to express everything that has taken place in this experience.

This is why we have, if you think about e.g. the Arts, particularly the written Arts – it’s all prodigal work.

So much of what we, humanity reads are the retelling of experience. In the books, the newspaper, social media & biographies it goes on and on and on and on. Its simply just description of things. Its collection of data. It’s the web. All this vast, vast experiential knowledge that has been stored.

It gives us incredible advantage. But there is so much information we can take in and access, until its overloaded.

So, we have reached a time where the prodigal system reached its uttermost point where it has no way to go.

In other words, there is so much out there that its confusing to figure out what we need to know, where to go, where to search, look for – to a certain point that we don’t know what & whom to trust anymore.

We’re at a closing of a cycle & near a closing of an epoch. We are at a point of deep transitioning where the power of our communicative impact & influence has never been greater.

And yet, its full of doubt & confusion, when we meet the logic & the abstract.

Individuality changes the game. Its mutation of the new.

This is for all wandering stars who shine in a different light than most people - there is great generosity of life itself, always trust.

We don’t have to be, do, act, search, strive, drive like everyone else who is trying to discover their whole life their own identity.

After the long exhausting search for the one person or the next experience in the outside world, I realized – I’m the one I have been waiting for

Its without doubt one of the most valuable experience to be better than our yesterday selves, to look deeper for truth, uncover lies and try to find meaning & purpose in life, to become wise.

But what if, we are already whole in our not wholeness?

What if the biggest learning is to unlearn the parts & conditions of us which we are not, to make room for the magic to come in & blossom?

We don’t have to be like others. I gave up the desperate need to find out who I am, my identity, because I realized I’m gifted with something much greater than that – I can be anything, anyone & nothing all at the same time, like a chameleon – that’s freedom, that’s peace of mind & body.

It’s a priceless blessing to understand what belongs to me and which behaviour & patterns belong to others, what emotions & situations I’m amplifying, and who is good for me & who not. To become wise about the nature of the world around me & to be of service, so I have the opportunity to reflect it back to them.

To be guided by my yin, to be more gentle with myself & to surrender to my individual design we are designed for to live in a magical world where everything is larger than life.

Individuality is a gift. It’s a mainly internal process, with no much need to share it with others, other than through a creative expressive endeavour. This gift has the ability to bring in the new, to bring diversity into synthesis, to change things around; when it has the courage to swim against the grain.

And I found, not only embracing our differences makes me feel comfortable & pure but let myself swing into the playful lightness of being which gives me passionate chills of ecstatic bliss.

I’m the one I’ve been searching & waiting for all my life – it’s not somewhere out there, its where the love of oneself transforms to the love for everyone else.

So I ask myself this question on a regular basis:

From this moment, how can it feel?